Have you felt the heartache of God's love supreme?

I find myself losing the proximity of some beloved friends as this year comes to a close, and the pain of this has surprised me. Especially in a college setting, people move away and shift to new chapters of life all the time; often these are wholesome shifts to hopeful futures... So why does this hurt so, so much? Why does heartache increase the more you care about a friend? And why is there divinity in this kind of bittersweet?

A couple of years ago, I don't think I was capable of missing people as I do now. I interacted with people and wanted what was best for them, but because I was focused solely on the anthropology of it, I rarely wondered what actually constituted the essence of friendship. I figured that its degrees of meaningfulness and permanence probably had to do with personality type and the pragmatics of daily life. But during my time at the CSC, I've found that deep friendship is a phenomenon which can't be fully explained with a sociology of interaction. The friendships that matter and last are those that have a divine dynamic while remaining completely rooted in the personal and relational reality.

Humanity has an inherent need to understand and be understood with the depth of God - in short, to find a 'love supreme'. I remember when Robbie Williams' single by that title topped the charts in 2000. The song's bathos bothered me, but I couldn't help recognizing that it voiced something true about people's need for intimacy: Oh, it seemed forever stopped today, all the lonely hearts in London caught a plane and flew away... Oh, what are you really looking for? All the places you have been, trying to find a love supreme, trying to find a love supreme...

The world posits a million ways to strive for it, but I think that the much searched-for love supreme is manifested in friendships of mutually growing care. At an RCIA Question and Answer session, Father Gary once said that "the highest form of humanity is good conversation," and that always stuck with me because it charted a path to collective holiness. While the logistics of a friendship may be the chatting or the time spent together, the life of a friendship lies in the manifestation of an ecstatic (as in 'out-of-stasis') divinity. It always involves growth. It always involves the building of something holy.

The heartbreaking thing about the end of the year, then, is that these life-giving friendships sometimes have to change and readjust to new circumstances. The spiritual family members we've grown together with are suddenly moving across the country, heading to new ministries, starting different jobs and attending new universities. And although we know the friendships will continue, it hurts that they can't continue exactly as they have. The divine growth is going to have to shoot forth in slightly different ways. Thank heavens for modern communications!

I suppose there is something beautiful about the bittersweetness that comes from deeply caring. I was utterly devastated earlier this week when I realized what painful thing it is to watch a friend/spiritual mentor prepare to leave, but she captured the supreme in an email, writing:

"Heartache is not something I've ever 'gotten used' to, but what I have learned is that it is an indicator that I have loved and been loved... and for that I am most grateful."

God is good, dear friends!