Really, why do you do it? What's your motivation behind it? Why don't you just celebrate God and faith at home? Why don't you just pray in your dorm room for an hour every Sunday?
The answer, I would suspect, is that you go to Mass to celebrate your faith with other people. Even if you go alone, you go to celebrate your faith with other people of the same faith. You go for the Communion of it all.
So why, then, do so many forget that there are other people around them in the chapel?
Let me explain. And I'll preface this by saying that this is a post I've wanted to write for a while, but I didn't know if it was my place to write it. I still don't. But I think someone needs to say it.
On several occasions when I've sat in the chapel at the CSC on Sunday, I've noticed people being completely inconsiderate of those around them. I've noticed the following things:
- People with crying babies who remain in the main chapel. This really, really disrupts people's spiritual experience. At the CSC, we have a special area for that in the Commons, where you can still experience Mass on the TV (and you can still see into the chapel).
- People who don't scoot over when the congregation is asked to scoot toward the middle aisle. To me, when you don't scoot, you're saying that you don't want other people to share the Mass experience with you. You're saying, "You're not welcome in this pew."
- People who don't sing. I understand that not everyone has a good voice. I've been told that I have a horrible voice, and as a result, I don't sing loudly. But I sing. Fr. Gary had a homily about this last year, about how you not singing discourages other people around you from singing. If we put our voices together, we can create beautiful music.
- Couples who are extremely touchy-feely during Mass. Frankly, this is really distracting to everyone around you. Holding hands is one things. But coddling and constantly touching and reverting all of your attention to the person next to you is pulling your attention--and the attention of those around you--away from God, away from the point of our Catholic rituals. I don't see this very often, but when I do, it really disrupts my mass experience. I want to say, "Get a room! This is a chapel!"
I am certainly culpable of these transgressions at times. But I'm very conscious of them. I'm conscious that I'm in a room full of other people who are trying to get in touch with the Holy Spirit.
The next time you're at Mass, be aware of how the things you're doing--or not doing--are affecting the people around you. Offer that gift to the community, and to yourself.
I can't help but note the irony of a post urging us to remember that there are other people at Mass that consists 80% of complaints about other people..
ReplyDeleteYes, these behaviors are annoying, and people should work to minimize things they do to disrupt others' prayer experiences.
I am also aware that there are those who would claim to have their prayer experience disrupted by things like holding hands during the Our Father, contemporary music, gender-inclusive language, the unordained speaking during the homily, and other things that have been part of the CSC community as long as I can remember (and I go back 15 years).
I was especially disappointed by the note about babies. When I visit the CSC with my young daughters, we do sit in the common area so as to minimize disruptions, and I am thankful there is such a space. Nevertheless, I can't imagine Jesus chastising a couple with a crying infant that they should have stayed in the side room to watch him on TV rather than share His Presence. In fact, the Gospels record Him doing just the opposite.
If and infant is a barrier to me connecting with God, that is probably more my problem than the infants. I'm sure the Evil One would be pleased to see that.
So perhaps in addition to being aware of not disrupting others at Mass, we can also work on adopting an attitude of charity and forgiveness toward one another when they do something to disrupt us, and assume that they don't mean to be disrespectful and have good reasons for their behavior. I think both gifts would be pleasing to God, and to the community.
John,
ReplyDeleteThanks for your comment--you make some great points here. I'm particularly enlightened by the paragraph about everyone has different things that may disrupt their prayer experience in mass, and that it's important to err on the side of charity and forgiveness rather than to simmer in frustration throughout mass. Indeed, my post stemmed from an experience Sunday where several people in my pew refused to scoot over, and although I had a seat and wasn't affected, I really felt for those people who couldn't sit down.
As for the babies, you make a great point about Jesus, but I still struggle with it. Hey, I'm human--I'm not Jesus. It's tough for me to focus when there's a baby crying. I find myself praying for the baby to stop crying instead of praying for bigger issues. :) I think it's very considerate of you to sit in the Commons to minimize disruptions.
In the end, it's part of my job as Director of Operations to make sure that the CSC is a warm, welcoming, and hospitable place for students and community members to come and worship. I thought this blog entry may help raise awareness of several faux pas that we in the congregation may do without thinking so that the greater community of students and adults might feel more welcome and at peace when they come here to celebrate.
Thanks for your comment, John, and thanks for continuing to celebrate mass here at the CSC.
I apologize if I came off as bit too critical there -- "disappointing" was probably too strong a word.
ReplyDeleteThe babies is a bit of a sore point for me, because I think our society is becoming increasingly hostile to parents, and I would hate to see any aspect of the Church follow in its footsteps. It is disturbing to me how many people live their lives with little or no contact with small children, and feel it is their right to do so.
I can think of few things more destructive to the Church than a message that babies are not welcome, or frowned upon, or should be delegated to some side area (even one as nice as the Commons) so they don't interfere with the rest of us. IMO, welcoming babies is as much a part of being pro-life as advocating restrictions on abortion or supporting programs for poor mothers. Is it a pro-life message to tell people that we love your kids, but it's our expectation that you keep them (and thus, yourselves should you become parents) away from the chapel during Mass until they reach a certain age?
The CSC has a different mission than a family parish for sure, and part of what makes it special is that most people are there because they want to be there, and are intensely engaged in the prayers and Mass, so I completely understand the impulse to minimize distractions. I have certainly rolled my eyes at the disruption of loud children, and I would have little trouble imagining a younger version of myself shouting "Amen!" to your first bullet point, especially after the Commons has been built and designed specifically for that purpose.
But I am also aware of how isolating an experience parenting can be, and it pains me that some might read your post and come to the conclusion that they are unwelcome at the Church community that fulfills them. The disruption of a congregation's prayer from a crying child is real, but pales in comparison to the disruptions of career, friendships, recreational opportunites, sleep, and other disruptions the parents contend with every day. So, it's not hard to imagine parents receiving such feedback poorly -- I can't work, I've had little or no sleep, I have no time for my friends or my exercise program or movies I'd like to see, but I manage to drag our family off to Mass for our one spirtual and social outlet, only to be told what a distraction we are? They may find themselves asking the question, "why do I go to Mass?" and have trouble coming up with answers.
This doesn't mean you are wrong to call us to be more considerate, and I don't envy your position of striking a balance between preserving what is special about the CSC and welcoming a variety of people, including parents of young children. I just wanted to share the perspective of someone who might be on the receiving side of it, so that you can ensure you don't send the wrong message.
John,
ReplyDeleteThanks for your follow-up comment.
I'm really glad you shared your perspective as a parent, especially a parent who makes a choice, as you say, to come to the CSC. I would hope that my post wouldn't discourage parents from bringing their children to the CSC (or from having children altogether!)
Perhaps another question I should ask, one for which I truly don't know the answer because I don't have children, is for parents: Why do you go to mass with your children? Is it to share your faith with them? Is it for them to grow in their faith? Is your experience with God during Mass more powerful because you've brought life to the world? I'd be curious to hear what parents think about that. We're getting to the point with the CSC where some children have essentially come here their entire lives. Our first Communion group is huge this year, and we're not even a parish! I wonder if those children are more likely to seek out Newman Centers wherever they go to college, or if they choose Wash U because of the CSC. Would you hope for those things for your children?
Jamey
Wow, what interesting and fruitful exchange. It's so great that we can dialogue and learn and share! Hmmm....I've never personally had a problem with any of the issues listed in the first post ... I go to the 11 am Mass where there are lots of families, but the babies have always seemed pretty good, and of course we all love them and want them around!!!! I think sometimes the babies start crying during the homily because Father Gary occasionally gets very impassioned and shouts into the microphone, which can get pretty loud and intense if you're by one of the speakers. And don't get me wrong - the excitement is a wonderful thing :)
ReplyDeleteIn regards to Jamey's question, I'm not a parent but I do have a little sister (now 6) who my family always took to Mass when I was in high school in California. Both as a very small baby and as an infant, it was good for her to experience church and to learn that we did this special thing every so often. Sometimes she cried simply because that's what babies do sometimes, but as she got older, she learned to sit and be content with looking around, listening, paging through the hymnals pretending to read, etc. I think small children pick up on the feeling of community that fills a church on Sunday. They sense the difference in their parents, who for once are not orchestrating anything but take on a very different role as a participant audience during the Mass. I remember being very small sitting next to my mother, and realizing one day that she actually wanted to pay attention to something! That she was trying to focus on something other than our immediate interaction! In our everyday lives, I'd always assumed that constant interaction with my mom was the norm... asking questions, handing things to her to hold, making her hold me on her lap, wanting her to entertain me, etc. Church was very different though. I knew my mom loved me, but I learned that this was a special time for her and that she didn't really want to deal with my little issues just then. She wanted to focus on whatever was going on up at the front of the church. I think that was my first sense of the 'sacred' - this unusual sense that church time suspended the everyday world. And after a while, I learned that talking during church didn't work since my mother was absorbed by the service and would ignore me until it was over. And so, for a lack of anything better to do, I started paying attention too. As a child, I thought the liturgy was totally boring, but sermons were usually worth tuning in for, and the songs were lots of fun to bounce along to! Aah, the child's brain is such a peculiar thing to remember back to!
In any case, the process of enculturating children to proper church behavior is something that takes time... they have to learn it like anything else, so we should definitely give them some slack. They'll never learn unless they are put into that situation, so it's much better that they stay in church and make a little noise than never becoming accustomed to worship at all!
Wow, what interesting and fruitful exchange. It's so great that we can dialogue and learn and share! Hmmm....I've never personally had a problem with any of the issues listed in the first post ... I go to the 11 am Mass where there are lots of families, but the babies have always seemed pretty good, and of course we all love them and want them around!!!! I think sometimes the babies start crying during the homily because Father Gary occasionally gets very impassioned and shouts into the microphone, which can get pretty loud and intense if you're by one of the speakers. And don't get me wrong - the excitement is a wonderful thing :)
ReplyDeleteIn regards to Jamey's question, I'm not a parent but I do have a little sister (now 6) who my family always took to Mass when I was in high school in California. Both as a very small baby and as an infant, it was good for her to experience church and to learn that we did this special thing every so often. Sometimes she cried simply because that's what babies do sometimes, but as she got older, she learned to sit and be content with looking around, listening, paging through the hymnals pretending to read, etc. I think small children pick up on the feeling of community that fills a church on Sunday. They sense the difference in their parents, who for once are not orchestrating anything but take on a very different role as a participant audience during the Mass. I remember being very small sitting next to my mother, and realizing one day that she actually wanted to pay attention to something! That she was trying to focus on something other than our immediate interaction! In our everyday lives, I'd always assumed that constant interaction with my mom was the norm... asking questions, handing things to her to hold, making her hold me on her lap, wanting her to entertain me, etc. Church was very different though. I knew my mom loved me, but I learned that this was a special time for her and that she didn't really want to deal with my little issues just then. She wanted to focus on whatever was going on up at the front of the church. I think that was my first sense of the 'sacred' - this unusual sense that church time suspended the everyday world. And after a while, I learned that talking during church didn't work since my mother was absorbed by the service and would ignore me until it was over. And so, for a lack of anything better to do, I started paying attention too. As a child, I thought the liturgy was totally boring, but sermons were usually worth tuning in for, and the songs were lots of fun to bounce along to! Aah, the child's brain is such a peculiar thing to remember back to!
In any case, the process of enculturating children to proper church behavior is something that takes time... they have to learn it like anything else, so we should definitely give them some slack. They'll never learn unless they are put into that situation, so it's much better that they stay in church and make a little noise than never becoming accustomed to worship at all!
I've always remembered one comment that a priest made, years ago, when his homily was interrupted by a particularly loud crying child. He stopped what he was saying and just smiled, all of us probably fearing what might come out of his mouth next. But what he said was:
ReplyDelete"What a beautiful sound. The sound of a child crying out for his parent's love. If we weren't all but the same with God."
I don't remember much else from that homily, but that's the attitude I try to carry when I find myself growing annoyed. It's the sound of new life longing for comfort and protection.
Having sat in the main body of the chapel with my visiting mother and brother-in-law yesterday, I have gained a bit of sympathy for the "get the crying babies out of the chapel" position.
ReplyDeleteI still don't know if I have any answers, but do appreciate the tension in place here.